The Words To Say I Love You
by Ange1
Summary: Spike struggles to earn buffy's love. His heart aches and he yearns for the slayer. It's definately for S/B fans and maybe a little W/Oz action too.


I leaned up against the headstone with a wooden shard through the center of my chest. It hadn't pierced the heart but I wish it did. She came over with a worried face. Her brilliant green eyes flashed and she leaned down next to me. "Bloody hell," I groaned. My shirt was shredded to pieces and my hair wasn't slick any more. It was curly.Damnit. "Spike, are you okay?" Buffy said reaching out for the piece of wood.  
  
I pulled away like a wild animal would. Her slender hand touched my shoulder. It tingled a bit.  
  
"Spike are you okay?" She repeated. "Bloody hell woman! Does it look like I'm okay?!" I shouted at her. She looked up at the sky and back down to me. "We'd better get you out of here," She said. "Why?"  
  
"It's almost sunrise." "Since when do you care anyway?" "Since you helped me last year." She was talking about that whole from beneath you it devours bit. God. I didn't move. "Spike please." "Please what? Come with you so you can hurt me more? Look what ya've done to me, luv. You've ruined me," I said. Buffy's eyes narrowed, "I've ruined you?" "Both of us 'ave, luv," I said, lowering my voice, "I'm ruining myself by waiting for you. I love you Buffy. I've waited for you to see my way. To love me too." "Well you better stop waiting," She said. "Fine. I will," I said. I pulled the piece of wood out of my chest and threw it away. I looked to the pinking sky and balled my fists up. "Spike, don't." "Don't what? Don't love you? Don't waste away because you don't love me too? I'm sorry, luv, it's what I gotta do." "Don't be like this! You're my friend. And I don't want to see you die!"  
  
"So we're friends now?" I said, my words dripping with disdain and anger. "Stop it Spike." I sat there and looked to the ground. "I love you, Buffy. I've tried," Tears welled up in my eyes, "an' tried but you won't return the feelin's." I blinked and tears ran down my cheeks, "what do I have to give? To be noticed. To be loved?" "Spike." "Lemme talk." She nodded. "I loved you Buffy. An' you spat in my face. I continued ta love ya, an' you used me. You played me, luv. I still accepted you." I skipped my least favorite part, "I went to Africa. I wanted to give you what you deserved, an' I got it. "I came to give you love. I came to make you happy. An' you still won't love me. So why should I live?"  
  
The sun blazed on the horizon and I winced. My skin started to smoke and burn. I must have passed out after that.  
  
I woke up in a bed. In her bed. Was I dead? Or did she just decide to take pity on me? I sat up. My skin had blotches of burns on it and on the bedside table sat a cup of warm blood. Bloody hell was she good. She even made it the right temperature. I drank it quickly through the curly straw and noticed someone entering the room. It was Red. "Are you okay Spike?" She asked. "If you consider this okay," I pointed to the hole in my chest, "yeah. I'm peachy." "Buffy was really worried about you," Willow said. I let out a short silent laugh and leaned back into the bed. Willow opened the curtains. The sun had just set. The sky was fading to a light purple. "Buffy was worried?" I asked. Red nodded with her arms crossed, "She sent me up here because she thought you were mad at her." "Why would I be mad at her?" "You know, for saving you." She uncrossed her arms and tucked her red hair behind her ears. I got out of the bed with a slight grunt and she turned and left the room. I walked out of the room as well. I saw Buffy downstairs. "Is he okay?" Buffy asked. "He's fine," Willow answered. "Well, well, well," I said trotting down the staircase, "Aren't we worried." "Spike shut up," Buffy said, "and for god's sake put your shirt on." "I don' 'ave a shirt," I said with a fake grin on my face. I was trying to be the big bad that Buffy had hated. Last night hadnt only torn a hole in my chest, but into my soul. I can't believe I still love her after what she does next.  
  
This gets more interesting (I hope). 


End file.
